Freeing my heart from its cage
For years I lived with a cage around my heart. It took determination and an inner knowing that I wanted more for my life that led me to connect with and free my heart.
When I first connected with my heart, there was a cage around it. I wasn’t surprised to see it there. I knew my heart was closed. Protecting my heart had been my job for a long time. It kept me safe; not seen or exposed. I could manage life this way.
Yet my caged heart caused me suffering. It was holding me back. With a cage around my heart, I was disconnected from my body and looked down on myself watching my life as if from the outside.
To connect with my heart, first, I learned to breathe. I’d done yoga for most of my life and meditated on and off but it was all from my head. When I took a deep breath, it caught on my diaphragm and didn’t go very deep. I wanted more. I wanted to enjoy my life and love my people.
I got quiet enough to hear that inner knowing. Then I sat and noticed the tightness in my chest, breathed into it, and allowed the weird and wonderful feelings that arose. Worry. Vulnerability. Tightness. Fullness. Fear. I sat. It was hard. The desire to flee my body was strong. I felt a pull above my head as a familiar escape route opened. I persevered. Slowly my breath reached further down until I could inhale into my lungs, and my diaphragm, and push my stomach out. I exhaled slowly.
Once I could move my breath into all the crevices of my body I turned to my caged heart. She was tight and closed. Protected. Safe inside my rib cage. Hiding in the dark. I closed my eyes, placed my hand on my heart, and looked inward. I saw a black cage around my heart. My heart was trying to squeeze between the bars but they tightened around it.
“Thank you cage for protecting my heart,” I dialogued with it.
It loosened slightly as it realized I saw it and then quickly tightened its grip.
“What is your purpose?” I asked the cage, patiently waiting for a response. Not sure if I would hear, sense, feel or just know its message.
“To keep you safe,” I heard.
“Oh, thank you. Thank you for keeping me safe. You have done a great job,” I said.
“Do you know who I am?,” I asked.
“No.”
“I am the person, the soul who lives in this body. This is my heart and I know how to take care of it. I am an adult and there are many people, including myself, that I want to love fully,” I said.
That’s the thing I knew about that cage. It was stopping me from fully loving myself, my family, the world, and my life. With my heart in a cage, I was forced to live in my head. I wanted this to change.
“Oh,” the cage said.
“I can handle my whole heart. It doesn’t need to be in a cage. I am in charge and I can do this,” I said. “Can you loosen your grip? Is there a key I can use to open the cage?”
This was all playing out in my mind. I saw an old-fashioned metal key on a black tassel. I picked it up and fit it in the lock of the cage. It opened easily. The cage fell away. I felt my heart expand in my chest filling the space vacated by the cage. I moved my hands in front of my chest to help release any energy the cage left behind.
Tears streamed down my face. I could feel. It felt expansive and scary. In place of the cage, I felt a swinging door on the front of my heart. This is better, I thought. I can open and close this door to let people in or keep them out. I can operate this from my healthy adult self.
Now when I go about my day it is from a heart lead place. I feel the world and take it in from my heart. And when that gets hard, I close the swinging doors.
When I feel myself rushing, overthinking, or losing my cool, I know I have moved out of my heart and into my head. Slowing down, deep breathing, putting my feet on the floor, and placing my hands on my heart bring me back to that space.
Living from a heart-centered place isn’t always easy. It was easier to disassociate and live on autopilot because I didn’t feel things as strongly. When my heart was in a cage, the continuum of love to fear was just inches apart. Now vastness between the deepest love and the most fearful fear is miles apart. My range of feelings is on a much longer continuum. Colors are brighter, moments are lived in deeper ways, and sadness hits harder. But by being open and in tune with my heart, I can handle it all.
Rebecca Fellenbaum is a certified life coach, intuitive guide, blogger (yep, you’re reading it right now), and entrepreneur. She helps women who have “made it” on the outside feel great about themselves on the inside so they can find joy in their lives, kids, and families. Get her free guide: Slowing Down: 9 Steps to Live With Intention to start meaning it when you say you’re doing fine.
